Top 10 Things NOT to Use a Middleman For

10. College basketball commentary:
    Announcer: “This guy is awesome, baby!  Look at that slamma-jamma-diorama!”
    Middleman: “Uh… that player is pretty good.  He certainly slam dunked the ball.”
    Announcer: “I’m telling you, he’s a diaper dandy!  He’s not your average frosh once he gets the rock in his hands!”
    Middleman: “He’s an excellent young basketball player.”
    Announcer: “No, I said he’s a diaper dandy, baby!  Tell them he’s a diaper dandy!”
    Middleman: “I’m not saying that phrase, sir!”

9. Grocery store Ever notice how much fresher the fruit is at a farmer’s market?  Don’t you always walk away wishing the stuff at the grocery store didn’t pass through a dozen sets of hands before it got to you?

7. Voting “Okay, vote yes on proposition 3.” “No on 3.  Got it.” “No, I said yes on 3.” “No on 3.  That’s what I did.” “No!  That’s wrong.” “What are you talking about?  That’s the one establishing school bus service for impoverished schoolchildren, right?” “Yes!” “Lousy mooching schoolchildren.  No on 3 it is!”

6. Playing darts This was the only scenario we could come up with where having a middleman is more dangerous to the middleman than it is to you!

5. Lifeguards It’s bad enough that going to the beach entails putting your life into the hands of a 17-year-old in Ray-Bans.  How much less safe would you feel if the lifeguard’s response to “she’s drowning!” was not “I’ll save you!” but “fill out form 4-E in triplicate and send it to my superior and you should receive your CPR in 2-3 weeks!”

4. Pizza delivery Let’s say you’ve ordered a large pie from your favorite local pizza joint, and the delivery driver gets halfway to your house and hands it off to a middleman.  How happy will you be when the pizza shows up at your house and two slices are missing, it’s half as hot as it should be, and the guy even stole the little table thingy in the center of the pizza that keeps the box from caving in?  Doesn’t he know you COLLECT those?

3. Dancing They say it takes two to tango.  They are correct.

2. Airplane travel “Hi, I’m checking in for my flight from Chicago to Los Angeles.” “Wonderful.  It looks like you’ll be changing planes over Denver.” “…you mean, IN Denver, right?” “No, sir.  We added a business partner to get you from Denver to LA in order to save fuel costs.  It’s a simple little jump from one plane to another.” “30,000 feet above Denver.” “Yes, sir.  Would you like to buy flight insurance?” “Well…yeah, now.”

1. Finding a doctor Wouldn’t it be great to just talk to a doctor directly when you need to book an appointment?  How many people currently stand in the way of you getting the information you need from your doctor?  Well, at HuliHealth, nobody gets in the middle.  Find a doctor.  Talk to her directly. Book an appointment directly.  See how easy it is to connect when nobody gets in the middle?

by Adam Moses

When has a middleman gotten in your way?  Share your comments here!